It's when you smile while you're crying.

It's when you tell your parents you're out with a crazy guy when you're the one who's crazy.

It's when you say try to choke yourself and die when you want so much to be alive.

It's when you bow to an imaginary audience.

It's when you say nothing even though you are screaming inside.

It's when you die on your birthday.

It's when you make a big deal out of nothing.

It's when you shrivel up with emotions splattered on the floor.

It's when you believe in love and the wickedness of humankind.

It's when the sun shines at a funeral wake.

It's when someone dies laughing.

It's when you miss someone you don't even know.

The world is driving me crazy. Suddenly an infinite amount of work is dumped on me and I don't feel like doing it. I must be out of my mind, because

a) I have really important exams this year and everything I do will affect the turnout of my grades and
b) my teachers will kill me,

so I better get down to doing it right now, bye.

Kidding.

You get what I mean though. It's a whirlwind of assignments, pressure, teachers breathing down your neck, the whole stress package. What I'm afraid of is hearing this from my friends:

"We don't talk anymore." Damn right we don't. It's because I'm too busy, having to cope with a deluge of homework every single day, having to meet more and more expectations, wanting to do so much but only accomplishing so little because I fall asleep at my desk.

Again. And again. Et al.

Or maybe, secretly, it's because I can't be bothered. Out relationship is now on a level of stagnant complacency. We don't need to do anything to maintain it, we just are.

Yeah right.

I've stopped trying. I've stopped being the person who initiates every single conversation, going after people's company like my life depends on it, because, suddenly, I don't care. At least, until a sentimental twinge emerges. What's gone wrong? Nothing.

With some people, no matter how hard you try, you know you'll never get them to open up to you, and vice versa. I guess I haven't figured out which people I attract or repel, which is why I'm failing Physics.

Nah, that's not it. It's all about the Chemistry, I guess.

Not much to say.. yet. Just testing how this looks like.